By Aurilas Peterson | Liahona Magazine | October 2018
I can definitely relate to this article. I remember my on baptism day feeling the weight of my sins wash off me and drown in the water of the font. I was so determined never to sin again because of the feeling of purity I felt…it was both peaceful and energetic all at the same time. But of course, I am human, and in time I did sin, and although it was never anything too heavy, eventually, the weight of the filth I felt was overwhelming me. I asked myself why it was that the weight of the sin was felt stronger after my baptism that I had ever felt in my life before? The more I sinned, the more discouraged I felt, and the less I would feel the Spirit in my life. I just wanted it to all go away so that I can feel that peaceful purity again. And then I did it…I made the first step to my repentance process. I never thought I would feel that peace again the way that I did when I was baptized…but it did come. Through the atoning sacrifice of my Savior, I was able to repent and become cleansed once again. This process is repeated several times as needed in my life. ~Emilia
I felt a darkness settle over my life.
And then I realized I needed to talk with my bishop.
I remember setting my baptism date with the missionaries. They asked me if I was ready to make this covenant with our Heavenly Father. Without even thinking about it and with a heart full of joy, I said, “Yes!” I wanted to accept the special gift my loving Father had given me, and I knew that I wouldn’t be as happy without the Savior in my life. But I really wasn’t sure what the future held for me.
Finally, the big day came. It was unforgettable, and I was so happy.
After my baptism and confirmation, days suddenly seemed dark. I was dealing with family issues, and I was struggling to obey all of God’s laws. I didn’t know what to do, and I wanted to give up on everything. It seemed like nobody understood me.
I had always loved reading the Book of Mormon, but during that time I set it aside. One day, as I was home alone, I felt the sweetness of the Spirit prompting me to read the Book of Mormon. I prayed beforehand, wanting to find an answer that could bring solace to my suffering. I opened directly to Alma chapter 5. Verse 27 reads: “Have ye walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God? Could ye say, if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that ye have been sufficiently humble? That your garments have been cleansed and made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem his people from their sins?”
Finally, I felt touched by these words. I knew that I needed to repent, so I made an appointment to see my bishop. I was undeniably scared, but I forced myself to go and visit with him.
When I arrived at the bishop’s office, I felt so guilty that I wanted to just turn back around. But I prayed to have the courage to say everything I needed to. The bishop welcomed me into his office, and then he said a prayer to receive God’s help. He spoke to me as if I were his son and showed his love for me through his words. He gave me advice and asked me to do certain things in order to receive God’s forgiveness and then to come back to meet with him.
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